Sensual Sunday’s: What Make A Kiss So Sensual?

Tags

bonding, Kiss, oxytocin, relationships, Sexuality

Go ahead. Kiss the girl…

Following the theme of my last post “The Power of a Kiss“, I really want to take a cold hard look into what makes kissing so irresistible.

Why is it part of the sexual experience? What is it about two people joining two parts of the body that in theory have no relation to relations an act we desire, crave and enjoy?

Again, the answer, as always is: biology.

Besides being a universal gesture of love and affection, smooching has its own field of study called philematology (who knew?!). The science of kissing offers pleasurable insights into the power of this romantic expression.

Kissing satisfies different kinds of hungers. In the body, a kiss triggers a cascade of neural messages and chemicals that transmit tactile sensations, sexual excitement, feelings of closeness, motivation and even euphoria (put down the pipe and wrap your lips around someone; you’ll get just as high).

Our lips are packed with sensitive nerve endings.

When humans kiss, the combined sensation of pressing nerve ending-rich lips together while smelling the other person caused the release of dopamine, the ”pleasure hormone“.

With all the varied components locking lips incorporates I have broken the biological elements of kissing down:

Better Make it Good. First Impressions Count!

One study found that 66% of women and 59% of men say the quality of the first kiss can make or break the relationship.

I gotta say, I can not disagree. Of all the men I have kissed (settle down people, I promise, it is not as many as you think) only ONE has “turned” me after a first horrible kiss. Actually, It wasn’t just a first kiss but two days of unappealing, sloppy, wet make out sessions. So, why did I go back for more? Turns out there is a reason – patience my friends, you shall find out, all in due time.

Conversely, I had ONE kiss that turned me from complete disinterest into an insane insatiable beast of lust. It really is quite amazing; the power of a first kiss!

Kissy is Sexy (And Can Lead to Sex!)

So, why did I go back for more despite a disappointing beginning? What about the wet slobbering mess of a smooch said give him another chance?.

According to Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher there is evidence that saliva has testosterone in it. Testosterone increases sex drive. “And there is evidence that men like sloppier kisses with more open mouth. That suggests they are unconsciously trying to transfer testosterone to stimulate sex drive in women.”

Ah-ha! that explains BOTH the awful and amazing first kiss scenarios! Because saliva increases sex drive, I was driven to go back for more! I guess all that wetness did the trick because the culprit of that first awful kiss IS one of the KEY men I have written about in this very blog.

(For the record, after those first two wet and wild days, he toned it down and I became a slave to his full lips. I will forever look back as he fades into the sunset and crave one last kiss.)

Kissing is Good for Your Health.

- An Indicator of Fertility

Studies by various researchers show that men may unintentionally but intuitively may be using saliva transfer to assess a woman’s fertility and estrogen cycle. While guys may not consciously be aware of it their bodies can detect these female biological functions. Crazy right?!

The hormones responsible for these seemingly psychic powers are one of the keys to our reproductive success and passing on our genes to the next generation. All of this is a massive indicator there is a strong link between swapping spit and evolution.

 - Reducing Stress

This is a biggie and again a phenomenon I experienced first hand.

In an earlier post I wrote about the effects of semen as both preventing and alleviating depression in women. Now it turns out that kissing has a similar effect.

According to researchers, kissing produces many physical and emotional reactions and is a powerful blueprint of chemical attraction. Such intimate biology also can melt tension.

Amazingly the endorphins produced by kissing are 200 times more powerful than morphine!! What the what?

A quote from a research article states: “Great kissing can be like a meditation that focuses your attention to a pinpoint, quieting the buzz in your mind,” explains Davidson. “As the outside world dissolves, you’re whisked into a dimension filled with extraordinary sensation, emotion and responsiveness.”

A different dimension is right! I said earlier how I have had personally experienced the stress relieving effects of kissing. As some of you may have deduced from my blog I have been under, well lets just say it, a fucking boat load of stress. In nearly two years I have felt the tension of some hovering issue; these past 11 months being especially rancid.

Recently I was kissed. Or rather I kissed someone. This interaction and subsequent “make-out session” (gosh what is this 8^th grade?) left me dizzy, light-headed and completely stress-free. The hole where a pit once fill with anxiety was replaced with euphoria.

I literally entered another dimension. It was friggin awesome. So what I needed. So, hmmm, satisfying (for the record this episode did not include sex, I am still holding out, just barely). Thanks man, I appreciate the break from reality. I think it lingered for a good four days or so. Apparently this fella is a fairly stellar kisser.

If all of that was not enough to convince you that kissing is actually good for your health then get ready to have your head blown.

Long term studies show: those who kiss their partner goodbye each morning live five years longer than those who don’t.

Yah, so if not for her guys do it for you! It will help you live longer.

That Spark. Kissing and Bonding.

First kisses can also be as memorable, if not more, than losing one’s virginity. When I read this I was astounded. Not by the biological fact of it but that I had felt it and thought I was crazy for feeling a kiss to be more intimate than sex. Turns out I am a total genius Joke.

The correlation between kissing and bonding have infiltrated nearly every section of this post so I will not go into much more detail.

I will reiterate what has already been proven time and again; kissing is linked to the production of the bond-forming hormone, oxytocin.

Men Are From Mars & Women Can Tell. In Kissing Men & Women Are Not Equal.

Other than those already discussed the sexes kiss for different reasons. Men kiss in order to initiate other intimate activities. Women kiss to get more intuitive information about the other person.

Further men tend to release more oxytocin during the act, making kissing a stronger bonding experience for them in comparison to women. Yep, turns out it’s the guys who get attached from a simple kiss. Who knew?

As you can see there is a lot more to kissing that just a kiss.

I leave you with a quote to make you salivate:

“Not enough,” he said, letting her hair slip through his fingers. “If I kiss you all day, everyday, for the rest of my life, it won’t be enough.”  
―  Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

~ the audacious amateur blogger

Related articles

• Kiss, Kiss, Kiss (reneolivierrepoeticbliss.wordpress.com)
• Kiss Me – I’m Stressed (massageenvy.com)
• The Kiss (oldintheface.wordpress.com)

The Power of a Kiss

Tags

chemistry, erotica, gone with the wind, intimacy, Manosphere, Perfect Kiss, pretty woman

What make a kiss so arousing?

I recall the power of desire watching a man fade into the distance. Feel with the same strength and vigor how sorely my lips ached for just one last kiss.

Men and women alike crave it for a person we care for.

We feel it in our bones. We feel our lips tingle calling out for it like an addict yearns for the needle. When we get it, when finally the craving is satisfied, when two lips calling out for each other meet; we are spellbound. High on oxytocin as the thousands of nerve endings in our lips fire off telling our brains, “Yes! the doors have been unhinged“, they are free to dance and mingle. Our addiction has been fed; we are stoned on one another.

We are at the mercy of the kiss.

I know it, this high and wonder, why is an organ biologically built for eating and breathing the source sexual desire?

I ask once more, what makes kissing so arousing?

As always the answer: biology.

Before we take on the science-y bit let’s dig a bit deeper into what we (and by we I mean I) enjoy about the act of kissing. Let us attempt to break down the aspects of this odd yet so, so yummy fascination.
I enjoy kissing. If it is good I can get so turned on by it that I can’t help but want more. I cannot help but hurriedly grab for more.

A satisfying kiss is reassuring, in a sense it whispers to a woman, “we have chemistry”.

Often I think of kissing more intimate than sex.

It is so personal.

A kiss stimulates ALL of the five senses simultaneously: taste, touch, scent and smell.

Sex is great. Y’all know I love me some good luvin’

Sex is technically as close as you can physically be with another person; however, it does not fire off the senses like kissing. In some bizarre twist of irony it is technically is easier to disconnect from the act of sex that from a deep satisfying kiss.

At its most basic level, touch is the only sense we experience during intercourse. Turning off the remaining four, you can close your eyes and use each other like a dildo or a space to put your dick in to get off – the old “pump and dump”, as men apparently refer to it.

In the classic film “Pretty Woman“, Vivian; a prostitute, has one rule while working, “I don’t kiss on the mouth“.

“Pretty Woman” is just one of the innumerable amount of films where has Hollywood romanticized kissing. It promotes the ideal of, “The Perfect Kiss“.

One of my all time favorite movies and books, “Gone With the Wind” portrays the power of “the perfect kiss”.

Rhett Butler enters Scarlett O’Hara’s bedroom with vigor. Newly widowed for a second time and tipsy on scotch she allows him to enter her private room despite the many cultural norms her permission breaks.

By the end of his visit Rhett, after years of chasing, attempting to woo her while between husbands, Rhett Butler finally gets what he wants; her hand in marriage.

Earlier in the film, while in between husbands, Rhett comes to see Scarlett. He showers her with gifts from abroad. Rhett reminds Scarlett that nothing is for free, and will want something in return. Flatly she tells him she will not marry him. Rhett exclaims he is, “not a marrying man“. She retorts, “well I won’t kiss you for it either“.

While her words say one thing, her body portrays another. She moves in closer, tilts her head back and closes her eyes. No doubt Scarlett’s lips are feeling that craving, they are begging for a taste of what she briefly felt earlier in the film.

Rhett does not give, does not satisfy the yearning of her lips. He told her to look at him. No, he will not kiss her. Not then though he goes on to say, ““You need kissing badly. You should be kissed, and often. And by someone who knows how.”

Now, after the loss of her second husband, following the end of the war, things have changed. Times have changed. Rhett and Scarlett have changed.

Why? After nearly 10 years of being pushed away by the one woman he craves with all his being. Why now does he ask for her hand? Why does Scarlett accept?

She has felt, and not been shy in expressing her disgust of his provocative lifestyle and unapologetic disregard for the status quo.

Why now does this newly widowed temptress agree to marry a man she has shown, she has felt, nothing but disdain for?

Well a kiss of course.

Rhett mockingly but in all seriousness gets down on one knee and proposes marriage. Scarlett scoffs. Enraged by her mockery Rhett refuses to take no for an answer.

In one fell swoop, like the masculine powerful man that he is, a man who gets what he wants; he forcefully pulls her in towards his body. Rhett wraps his arms around her; she is unable to escape his hold. He presses his lips to hers. At first she resists, tries to pull away, attempts to untie her lips from his. He kisses her.

Freed from his grasp for a moment Scarlett whispers, “No Rhett, I shall faint“. Rhett, in a mixture of rage and lust tells her, “I want you to faint, this is what you were meant for“.

You watch her body slacken. No longer attempting to flee she gives in to his embrace. Scarlett has been hypnotized. Slowly she widens her mouth ever so slightly and allows him to kiss her, the way she ought to be kissed.

Rhett pulls back. He has felt her body crumble and give in to his. “Say, you’re going to marry me, say it“, he commands (like a good Alpha should, you tell a women, you do not ask). “Yes, yes I’ll marry you“, Scarlett murmurs.

As dominantly as he initiated the kiss so he ends it. He knows she is under her spell.

He starts to walk towards the door. Scarlett stands in shock and wonder as she watches “the proposal” Rhett had made earlier exit the door. “Wait!”, she cries.

Scarlett, still flustered from her first “real kiss”, asks in a high-pitched but soft voice;

“Aren’t you going to kiss me goodbye?“.

Rhett looks deep into her eyes, “Don’t you think you’ve had enough kissing for one afternoon?”   

Irate, knowing she conceded the upper hand in their tumultuous relationship cries out to him in anger, ”You’re impossible. You can go and I don’t care if you never come back.”  

With a laugh at her unwillingness to admit vulnerability utters what they both know to be so, ”But I will come back.“

Stony but satisfied Rhett continues his exit, acknowledging their engagement with little more that a smirk and a nod.

Rhett has won. He has the power. Finally. He eyes her from head to toe. He can feel her vulnerability.

His back towards the room his wide grin shines as he shuts the door behind him.

Whew. That is one of my favorite written and filmed scenes of all time. You must read the book, it is much more erotic than you would think. It also highlights what those of the Manophere view as the center of their principles, “women want to be dominated“.

Even a strong-willed woman like Scarlett O’Hara (a personal hero of mine) craves the power of a man. It is only after succumbing to his power that she experiences her first orgasm. Yes, it really is quite a read. I highly recommend it

I sense a continuation of this deep dive into kissing. I never really got into the biology aspect of this kissing things as much as I had initially intended. I must have gotten carried away in the magic of it all. It happens.

Perhaps for a return of a long Sensual Sunday’s hiatus.

We shall see; after all it is always good to leave you wanting more

(So I have heard)

~ the audacious amateur blogger

Related articles

• Kissing Time (poemsforkush.com)

30 Days of Truth: I Do Not Need This, You Are Breaking My Spirit

Tags

change, moving, relationships, the wall, turning 30

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Easy, peasy.

So not like me. C’mon, have you seen my long ass, research paper, book report like posts?

However, this one is easy as pie. And totally ironic.

Change.

I am sick of you.I am tired, I am worn out – I am done with you change. I implore; how bout you go and bother someone else for a bit, allow me some time to just chillax.

This was going to be it. My year WELCOME 2013!

2012 was a total bust. Like it sucked. For real.

Much of why it sucked was because I had finally reached that point in my life that I had been waiting for; the time I truly wanted and was ready for stability.

I sought it, I craved it and I welcomed it. Now, the desire for stability is a fairly new concept for me.

Since graduating college I was on this “hunt” to figure out who I was, to learn from different cultures, soak as much of the world in as I could. I thought this would complete “me”. It did in many ways.

However, even then I knew this was not a lifestyle I wanted to keep forever. It was temporary, fleeting, short-lived. So, when that fidgety feeling went away soon after I moved from New York to San Francisco I was totally ready to set my roots.

I had a job with a great company I actually enjoyed. I saw my career path taking shape. The fear and insecurities about entering a long-term relationship faded and finally allowed what always had been the ultimate goal: to begin working towards building a family.

Change, you mother fucker. You just had to uproot me. A LOT.

In the last 20 months I have moved FIVE TIMES. I have had two jobs. I have been humped and dumped. I wasted a year of my life, my last GOOD year before I hit “the wall” with a man who turned out to be, I am fairly sure, was a sociopath. Ok, maybe he is just a resentful and vindictive asshole, either way it sucked and it sucked the life out of me.

Now, just when I thought I could exhale change has reared its ugly head once more. I thought, I had, this small window of “ahhhh” and then it was gone.

I have to move; AGAIN.

(Words of advice: Follow your gut and never trust a Russian)

I know it may not seem like a huge deal but it is. Everytime I relocate it takes me a few months to settle, to become comfortable, to start reaching out to people. It takes me time to feel social and romantically available.

TIME. It is the last thing I have right now.

It as if just as I am moving forward change comes along and pulls me back, forces me to start over, putting me back to the beginning.

I am just so tired. I am anxious all the time.

I just want to feel nothing. Not joy, not pain; not worry not bliss – just nothing. For a moment, for a week, for a month.

So far that is a hope that has not been filled.

Time. You are a mother fucker too. I don’t have time to squander, months to get back to that place where I am calm and sociable. I literally need to meet people NOW.

Change, I can totally live without you right now. Go on vacation. I hear Vancouver in summer is amazing.

Ciao change, I refuse to let you win!

~ the audacious amateur blogger

On Love & Kindness. Words of Wisdom From the Dalai Lama

Tags

dalai lama, inspiration, love, quotes, wisdom

I am in a sentimental “quote-y” mood.

Sometimes, I think, we need to take a break from the rumblings of our own minds and seek wisdom in the thoughts of others. The ideas of others may be completely new revelations or simply reinforce truths we already know deep inside but never allow to rise to the surface.

For once I am not “over-thinking”. I am listening. I am hearing. I am loving this!

I raise a toast – of tea since the Dalai Lama does not imbibe in alcohol – to feeling, living; to kindness, giving and happiness

To completely drowning in LOVE

Cheers!

~ the audacious amateur blogger

30 Days of Truth: I Tried But I Cannot Live Without You

Tags

30 days of truth, addiction, diet, emptiness, pescatarian, survivor

Guess who’s (what’s) back, back again… YES! It is here, the continuation of the 30 Days of Truth!

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Well. I got no fucking clue. I don’t even believe there is an answer for this. Not unless you are a quitter. That is my response.

What is something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it?

Nothing.

There is nothing nor no one that I have tried living without and have not succeeded.

I continue to breathe, have not succumbed to death nor dissolved into a pile of ashes due to the fact it or something or someone was gone. That I was now “without”. This is not to say that the losses of people and things dear to me did not tear me apart; gut me from the inside out, that I did not suffer; that I did not FEEL as if I could not go on. Of course it was hard. Or course it hurt. Or course I suffered.

I persevered.

That is what we do. That is what survivors do. I am a survivor. There is nothing in this world (aside from air, food, water and shelter) that I could “live without”.

Actually, this has been a kind of odd phobia of mine; the idea that the lack or loss of something or someone would crush me and I would dissolve. If I had to guess it likely ties into my grandmother surviving the harsh, horrific hell she endured during the Holocaust. Often as a young girl I would look at her, my grandmother, and think; how did she do it? This soft skinned “babushkah”, how did she endure starvation and the ever imminent threat of death all whilst caring for her younger siblings at the age of 16?!

I would test myself. Yes, I am a masochist. Yes, I do things the hard way. Yes, I create problems.

Why?

So I know I can survive them.

These things I gave up, there were miniscule, nothings in comparison to what those who survived true horror endured.

At 12 years old I decided I would stop eating meat. This self-proclaimed carnivore, the girl who downed a 16 ounce steak at 8-years-old decided to test herself. To challenge herself, I wanted to know how much self-control I really had. Two years. I went two years without eating meat (ok, technically I was a pescatarian; I ate fish). Then one day, with no provocation, I just felt it was time. I had succeeded in my own random fasting and beat it. I could now eat a massive t-bone. YUM.

(No, by the way, it did not taste “weird”. No I did not suffer any gastrointestinal discomfort, no I was not ill from it. Remember, my blood type is O. We have an excess of acid in our stomachs for the purpose of breaking down the tightly wound amino acids that are the building blocks of protein. In fact, I suffered quite a bit without red meat in my diet. Antacids were practically a food group.)

A few years later I played the same game with sugar; another “addiction” of mine. Having worked in a bakery for several years I had developed an insatiable craving for sugar. So, I decided NO MORE. When I say I gave up sugar I don’t just mean sweets and things like that. I am talking about making my own ketchup because if you haven’t noticed EVERYTHING we eat contains sugar in it. This was before the agave days. I dabbled in honey but mostly only allowed fructose; the natural sugars from fruit, as a sweetener. This lasted for a year or so before I felt, ok, I know I can live without this.

What a weirdo am I?

Purposely inflicting pain upon myself, testing myself. Freak.

I am a survivor.

~ jay byrd

Beautiful Little Fool

Tags

f. Scott Fitzgerald, fool, Great Gatsby quotes

- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

For The Love of Chocolate & Other Emotions

Tags

Christian, Green-Eyed Monster, Jealousy, Philosophy, romance, Seven deadly sins

Today, my friends, I had a “light bulb” moment while riding the Metro.

It was awesome.

Tired, haggard, stressed; waiting for my stop like everyone else and then a burst of light – literally, a light that had been broken suddenly brightened right above me; and it came to me. This light bulb moment.

Truly amazing how the slightest thing can clear your mind and help you reach an understanding formally evasive. It can even alter an idea you once saw as ”true” and in a single moment realize is the farthest thing from it

Simple as sliding doors.

Yesterday I wrote.

Yep, this is a blog and that is what we do; we write. This post is a continuation, or perhaps more accurately, a reconsideration of the piece I issued yesterday, ”Sensual Sunday’s: For The Love of Chocolate“.

A flash of light allowed me see what had been shrouded in darkness just one day earlier. Amazing!

Through blogging we have the opportunity to be inspired and informed. We can, if we are open to it, learn new ideas and sometimes even learn more about ourselves.

Yesterday I wrote about how one bloggers post on jealousy caused her to realize just how much SHE loved SOMEONE.

Ok, this seemed to make sense so I ran with it. I ran miles and miles with it and revealed something I have kept to myself. One of the (very) few things not sprawled in digital ink on this blog for the world to see. I can gander that I did not share these thoughts openly, shied away from addressing them because I did not want them to be real. I didn’t want to admit these truths to myself.

In case you missed it: I am talking about how it was at the very end of my extended courtship with Christian that I, for the first time felt this was someone who I did want to pursue a relationship with. I know, it only took about eight months or so but hey at least I got there

The irony? This subconscious emotionally driven ”feeling” occurred as we were ”dying”, as our light grew dim. It was during the fury and the fighting, through the anger and sadness; only then did I want “more”. How is this at all rational?

I imagine what you may be thinking right (in case you haven’t noticed am what they call an “over-thinker; which is not to be confused with an overly intelligent person for the record).

You may be saying to yourself, “typical masochist, only happy when she is hurting“.

Or maybe “she just wants what she can’t have“, you may possibly even be considering “she just wants to be with him to hurt him, she knows how unhappy he is, why won’t she just leave him alone?”.

These are all legitimate ideas, thoughts; “brainstorming session” possibilities. I know this because I BRAINSTORMED THEM TOO. I, although some would disagree, try – yes try, I am not perfect, but I “try”, to look at things from various different angles. I do not jump to conclusions; lie, I do, but only momentarily. After that initial thought I step back and attempt to give an idea a 360 degree view, try to imagine every possible scenario (never happens) for why anything occurred the way it did, why people feel the way they do; why I WANT and FEEL the way I feel.

I fail and I succeed in this as in everything in life. In this case I believe I succeeded. That is my belief. This does not make it a fact or a truth.

So, long-ass explanation to short reason. Fighting felt like family. I felt like we had crossed the bridge. The pleasantries were over, we had reached: REAL LIFE. Y’all know the rest. If not; well are better off not knowing, trust me.

Now he is super happy with his super serious girlfriend in a super-duper fantasy land of gum drops and licorice lollipops and of course what magical land of joy would be complete without a massive chocolate waterfall!?

THE LIGHT. WHAT WAS IT?

I had been inspired by another post. This writer described she had gone through her own period of darkness. She felt jealousy. “The Green-Eyed Monster“, as she called it.

The author went on to then rationalize that this grotesque emotion was actually GREAT! It meant she truly WAS IN LOVE. Oh glory day. Again, I read it and sure it made sense.

Then the light bulb went off!

Jealousy is not driven by love. Jealousy is not fueled by true adoration. Jealousy is passion for sure. Jealousy is lust, it is greed, it is gluttony; it is the Seven Deadly Sins.

Jealousy of another is not evidence that you love someone; no, it is not wanting to let others feel joy. It is not wanting to give up what you decided is yours. It is self-hatred, insecurity and it is selfish.

Love is fear of losing someone but it being okay if means they can be happy.

Jealousy is holding onto something or someone because YOU don’t want to be unhappy.

Maybe this is all just me “over-thinking”. It is, for sure. The light only came on a few hours ago and I am still processing.

I do know this for sure

(SUPER EXCITING SELF-REALIZATION MOMENT)

I LOVE MYSELF!

I DO!

I REALLY, REALLY DO!

Jealousy is the antithesis of self-love. It is self-hate. If you loved yourself, why would you care about what others had? You would be happy just being you and having what you have.

Right? Am I totally off? Neurotransmitters firing at rapid pace! I could totally use some clarity, maybe even a dimmer. I think it has become a bit TOO BRIGHT.

~ the audacious amateur blogger

Related articles

• The green-eyed monster (soselfindulgent.wordpress.com)
• Love One Another (theproverbsgirl.wordpress.com)
• Bitch jealousy (asonofbitch.wordpress.com)