Within the last three months, three men that were significant in my life have uttered me that phrase.
“I met somebody”.
The words slipped off their lips like hot oil on my skin, on my heart.
Each of them were people I had bonded with, had relationships with. Some longer than others, some more intricate than others and some more meaningful than others. Regardless of those factors, they were all men I loved in some way with some part of my soul.
I understand not all partnerships are meant to be. Timing, location, things just “not working out”. Those are all perfectly valid reasons why two people do not end up together. They all meant something dear to me, but, these recent events have made clear what I already knew deep inside, they did not share that sentiment. I was just a girl they will someday forget, that will have had no impact. I will be the nameless soldier.
But, aren’t I “somebody” too?
In the same way that there are a hundred beach resorts to pick from, to spend time at, have fun, relax, be pampered, maybe even learn something during their stay. I am a source of entertainment, that has been my role in my interactions with men thus far. Maybe I am even their favorite, “preferred” vacation locale. In the end that is all I am. Someone to escape with, easy to talk to, eat with, laugh with, have amazing sex with, but they always leave. They go back to real life. Find real “somebody’s”
I am REAL. I have depth. I am not a topical, tropical island you can go to when you need a break.
I am one person, a unique vision. I am not a cookie cutter island resort, I am not a carbon copy of every giggly, simple, shoes and clothes loving gal. I take risks, I voice my opinions, I am independent and sometimes stubborn. I can be moody but always devoted, giving, caring and kind.
Someday, if given the chance, I will make a good mother and a good wife. I am a “people pleaser”. I also have a firm grasp on the psychological components of learning, behavior modification and punishment as a result of undergraduate and graduate studies and training.
Basically, I’m an awesome cook who is will sit with her husband and watch whatever sporting event he’s into before taking him into the bedroom, giving the appropriate amount of oral attention and then fuck his brains out. I know what works on getting a kid to do his homework and what doesn’t.
I am ready to be the “somebody” they met. I just have no idea how to get there.
~ Someone audacious, a lonely, confused, frustrated amateur blogger