Yes soon the friends I once traipsed around Europe kissing every cute non-English speaking foreigner we could get our hormone fueled hands on, binge drinking our way through historical cities; London, Rome, Paris, Barcelona to name a few, are like doing grown up shit.
They are buying homes, getting married, having babies. They are becoming Nurse Practitioners, Doctors, Lawyers. They are Physical Therapists and actuaries. They have loving relationships, secure careers, stable homes.
I have none of these things.
I have a single failed relationship, which was never even officiated as a real relationship, a room in an apartment, a stack of student loans, credit card debt and
medical bills so high if you stood atop the pile those susceptible to vertigo would no doubt get instantly dizzy.
So, sadly, I have to create this homage to my 20′s, greet my 30′s with experiences based on the financial and time restrictions that being broke, almost employed and basically homeless affords.
1. Love someone – Check (cop-out, going with mom)
2. Be loved - Check, see above (yes, going with the cop-out again)
3. Change someone’s life for the better – Check (inspired a friend to become more fit and she did. She looks and feels amazing!)
4. Hike from Sausalito to Muir Woods – Still need to do this. Should be AMAZING!
5. Day bike trip in Napa – Outstanding. Again. Should be tipsy and AMAZING!
6. Go to Six Flags and ride every ridiculously fast, twisty, adrenaline rush inducing ride possible – Outstanding. Takes cash, cash, cash and I spent all mine a skiing…
7. Reach 300 200 followers on my blog (AHEM, this where YOU can make a difference!) – Outstanding, not even close. See edit.
8. Finish dental work on tooth 32 – Outstanding indefinitely. Unless I get a job, no way I am coming up with the $3,000 for the 30 minute procedure. Ridiculous!
9. Come to terms with having been laid off – Check
10. Leave the country at least once – Outstanding. Just got my new and renewed passport, may go to Mexico this week!
11. Renew passport – Check!
12. Potty train Ruby, my 6 month old Pineapple Conure and teach her to say Hola – Pseudo-check. She kinda says Hola and she “goes” on command but also knows she can still get away with not.
13. Pay off… Something! – Check! Three down, three to go.
14. Wean self off benzo’s – Working out it. Two weeks in, 10 more to go.
15. Run a 9 minute mile 10k half marathon - See revision, just not gunna happen now. Soon though!
16. Try aerial trapeze – Outstanding, takes money and got to find a venue that offers this. I’m sure San Francisco’s got to have one..?
17. Better my relationship with my mother - She loves me, I love her; still in progress
18. Be successful at whatever I decide to do -Outstanding/Check, you have to DO something to be successful at it. However, my project to gather all necessary paperwork, documentation etc., which took tremendous amount of effort to get a return on many insurance claims worked. So far received over $1,300 and counting!
19. Ski at least 12 times this coming season - Working on it. Five days down, seven to go, and im on my way tomorrow and should get three more in by Sunday!
20. Visit Boston and Philly. SEE the Liberty Bell! - Boston, Check. Philly, not going to happen. Who knows even WHEN I will head back east again. See revision.
21. Read at least ONE novel by Tolstoy and ONE by Dostoyevsky (thanks again for the inspiration on that Mocha Bella!) – In progress. War and Peace it is.
22. Finish scrapbooking Argentina and Chile 2010 Weddings of 2011-2012 - See revision, all my photos already printed are in New York and I’m not re-printing them.
23. Take an introduction to computer programming class – Working on it.
24. Do one selfless act a day, selflessly – Check-ish. When I leave the house I do it!
25. Forgive - Check-ish. Have forgiven but there are many to forgive. Everyday there is someone to forgive. This is an ongoing, never-ending task.
Come up with five more!
~ the nearly 30-year old audacious amateur blogger!
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are mr and mrs truth going on holiday for the long weekend? will this be one of those “doctor orders” situations where you can spend three wholes days satiating yourselves in each others pleasures?
Pingback: Sensual Sunday’s: On flirting « I Am an Afterschool Special
I love the vulnerability of your writing. It is beautiful.
My advice? Lose the fuck-buddies. Fuck buddies numb you into a false sense of security and keep you from starting up a conversation w/ the shy guy that’s been eyeing you. The man who will be the love of your life is going to be repelled by your wasting your precious love on some dude who can’t or won’t commit to you. We men have a sixth sense about this. Having Friends w/ bennies keeps you from having the courage to start up a conversation w/ a new potential Mr. Right.
30 is not a disaster. Walk around with a smile on your face. Be pleasant and say hello to people. Start up conversations with strangers. You will be amazed at how much fun you can have in day to day life, if you just enjoy people without putting pressure on yourself to find your big love in life.
I agree. My first on the list “Love somebody”, while I did use my mom as a cop out; for next year I will – if I haven’t found it already, add “Be in romantic love” and “be romantically loved” to the list. I’m just not in place in my life right now where that sort of connection can thrive. It is not far off though!! thankfully.
As far as the “fuck buddies”, they are a thing of the past. Not something that even interests me anymore. They were always a safety net really. They helped me prevent something serious from forming when I wasn’t really ready, or out of a fear of having to deal or address something that serious, because for me, it IS THAT SERIOUS. I don’t take commitments in general lightly and I especially don’t take ones that affect my emotions or that have to do with love lightly (I was never one of those girls who dated guys just so they wouldn’t be alone).
So… fuck buddies, I bid you adieu. Now… who can I have sex with if 2 years go by and I haven’t found someone to get serious with? I mean, two years is kind of a long time to go without sex. Not even the pleasure aspect of it, just the general…overall intimacy of connecting with someone. Is that something you can forget how to do after a long hiatus. How about 5 years, 10? how long before im “allowed to sleep with someone who I am not 100% serious with?
Just a question ive been tossing around in my head since realizing these fleeting timestamped romances were not interesting to me anymore.
And thank you for the compliment and clear very true and insightful feedback
Hey Audacious, Come see me if you have not slept with anyone for 2 years. You’ll be good and ready for me. I’ll fix you up just right sugar !!!! But now where the hell were you when I was single and looking for a quality mate that loves sex?
You don’t have to wait to have sex until you’ve found Mr. Right. I want you to be having sex. I want you to date new men and get laid in the dating process. You will get plenty of intimacy and sex if you put yourself out there and date more. Bonding w/ new lovers is one of the funnest things about dating!
But you should stop having sex with the man you are dating the moment you realize that he is not your future. And no sleeping w/ ex BF’s for convenience sake. You have to weed them out quickly or you’ll never find the right guy. You will know pretty quickly which guys are keepers and which are not. You can be social w/ those Mr. Wrongs. But don’t waste much time with them.
And for heavens sake, don’t be afraid to initiate conversations w/ the men that look appealing. Many (most?) men are NOT going to be able to read your indicators of interest. You flip your hair or bat your eyelashes at me, and I think that you got something in your eye. It doesn’t occur to me that you are trying to get my attention.
This works much better: “Hi, I saw you getting coffee over there, and I wanted to come over and say hi. My name is Audacious”.
Oh and one other thing, Never, ever flake on a date. Be true to your words. If you agree to meet me for coffee. Show up when you said you would.
XOXOXOXO
I disdain dating with a passion. I don’t find it fun, it is like an interview with sex the two are polar opposites. One is about exposing a deep intimate part of yourself the other about presenting yourself in the best possible, even if not completely true, light.
Sex is dirty – like literally not spiritually – it is messy, it is vulnerability. It is not about “looking your best” bc in the throws of passion and lust, sweat and cum, fluids of all sorts, appearing in your best light is just not possible.
I have gone 2 years wo sex. I went… And go on loooong stretches of time wo sex, which is why I posed the question to you, myself my friends.
Bt 21-24I had sex… 5 times. Then like every 3 mos or so (w the same guy – we lived in different cities) till I was 26. Soooo… I’m familiar w celibacy. That was I time I went from one “obsessive” doomed “relationship” to another already failed as you say “ex”. Once I was FREE of them (One married the other moved to LA. I was living in NY w NO ideas of heading west, he was GONE).
Then I did date, and I knew, I always knew maybe after 2 dates where it was going or how I felt about them, if I saw a future or not and treated those situations accordingly.
So, what do you do if you meet someone and you don’t immediately (or within a month or so) feel “this is right” or “this is wrong”. How long to you go while trying to sort that out? It’s only happened once but it def thew me off.
Before… I was decisive. If I was In it and they weren’t I walked away. If I got bored or did not at all feel like I saw a future w someone I ended it, smoothly.
Thanks for the flirting advice, how to pick up guys tricks…
After years of traveling alone I’ve become fairly adept at starting up convos w strangers. There is just something about spending months on your own to get you to chat up a cutie you meet on the bus, at a spectacular sight, in a hostel etc. one can only be an island for so long
Having moved to another country alone (where I met and dated the NICEST dude and did see a future w except that he lived in australia… We tried but.. Not possible. I was dining w his family, he listened he was great… Sigh), gone backpacking alone for elongated periods of time ~ 4 times, moved alone to two diff cities, one across the country where i knew no one… I meet people all over the place – when I want to.
I don’t always want to. And yes I love sex. I knew I liked it but it wasn’t till I was getting it on the regular till I KNEW I loved sex. Four times a day love sex. But that doesn’t mean I need to have it or want to w every guy I meet. I actually need to feel chemistry ya know.
Girls are like that, just a lil diff from guys. Pump and dumpers
And that line… Is a guy line. Gals are waaaay more slick. We are the ones who notice YOU giving us a look or just looking, then just so happen to be gettin a packet or two of sugar at the same time as you at Starbucks, reach over for a splenda, my forearm grazing yours, making you both nervous and exhilarated, spill your coffee then i apologize aaaand next thing you know were at a table chatting… The guy does the introducing, we strategically place ourselves for the intro.
That allll said. I have TOTALLY been that blunt upfront chic that walked up to a guy and made the first move, just not my go-to MO
I would have invited you back to my table but my GF was already there.
But, clearly you’ve taken advanced level flirting classes.
Thanks
I would also note to see if a man came in with someone or not.
Also, as you mentioned that men have a sixth sense about women having “fuck buddies”, we have a sixth sense about you guys having girlfriends or serious girlfriends.
I can be a decent flirt sometimes. Not always, I understand the concepts but unlike most girls I haven’t been using then since I was 14. I just kinda began flirting at 26z
You wanna know “the truth”?
Following Tom’s Footsteps, [know] When to Retire: http://www.1011now.com/home/headlines/Following-Toms-Footsteps-When-to-Retire-172898431.html
I am directing that comment towards you.
I am not retiring this blog at this time. Thank you for the suggestion. We all have a space where we are able to create, grow and have a shoulder to lean on. This blog, the blogosphere, is my community, my shoulder. So please, leave me and my world be as I have agreed to leave yours.
Free will. While it may be both a blessing and a curse, either way, it is God’s decree, not yours or mine.
Univ Nebraska?
Where does that rank? somewhere way below Cal Poly and SUNY Bing?
(oh and if this whole comment is WAY over your head, apologies, I have to be suspicious all the time now, thanks to a few stalkers I have recently encountered)
“But Tom Gregory breaks the mold”, “confirmed in a study by the University of California at Berkeley”
OMG I wanna do #4-6 and #16! I did the Napa Valley Tour de Cure bike ride for Leukemia in 2010 which was amazing and have never simply biked around to go winetasting. I am so down to go with you on any of these just let me know! PS virtual high 5 on the 9 minute mile!! I Am trying to get down to 10! LOL
Last time I ran was months ago, returning to my former glory (which was like 16 months ago) will be an EFFORT!
The wine bike tour… Did it in Mendoza and it was definitely… Interesting. It’s amazing how much of a decline in motor skills happen after like 12 glasses of wine, lol
but it was super fun and I have the whole day/itinerary planned and have for months so… I’m ready!
I’ve been dyyying to go to a six flags or any decent amusement park since getting the taste for the thrill riding the coaster at New York New York in Vegas. I remembered how much i LOVE the rush!
As for the hike to Muir woods – that is a TREK but, we both did the inca trail so I’m sure we could handle this.
I’m pretty open schedule wise, let me know if you find an opening and wanna venture on any of these get-a-ways… Ooh or know a spot for aerial trapeze… I’m totally down!
yah getting back into running is hard and something I need to do also.
I can only imagine your Mendoza bike tour! lol What wineries are you trying to get to? Yes, the Sausalito to Muir woods will be a trek, but like you said, after the Inka Trail, we can do it! (and we can bring some wine to celebrate when we complete it! lol) I am trying to be more physically active this year and get to things that are in my backyard (like Half Dome! I have never hiked it!!) So we should do at least one or more of those!
http://vimeo.com/28205640 =)
awesome! so helpful. thanks for sharing
Did my part with #7
I sympathize with #8. Just paid another $500 two days ago. Think I’m 2500 into a 7500 dollah proceejah. Oh well, to be able to smile for the first time in over 20 years will be worth it
Hey, youre doin better than me! So I have to wait 40 years to “smile”. really its just an extra thing to worry about that just… is not necessary. Damned my Masters and love of travel!
(the second one was worth EVERY PENNY, the kinds of things I learned, about myself, my strength what I can overcome, the people ive met, th people ive seen, how they live… it all was learning that Grad School, any school could never ever teach, so if it takes my whole life, id never give back those experiences)
and congrats on #7!! which one 200 or 300? I had a good sprint for a while but it slowed at around 125.
Gotta get my networking on I gues!