As I approach my “wall” I have to cross a whole bunch of shit off my “ideal man” list, which by the way, is fairly short to start.
Good chemistry, similar but not identical interests. A general feeling of satisfaction.
I can be poked fun at, I thrive off of a heated debate. I have the sex drive of a 14-year-old boy.
I have to say it. Right now I am EXTREMELY PISSED OFF. I am beyond disappointed. Far past anger and into disgust. I trusted someone I had no business trusting. I shared things with someone I had no business sharing anything with. I consoled, I listened, I was there for someone I had no business speaking to. I made sacrifices and had hope that they could, just for a MOMENT, be there to share joy with me. All with someone I knew was incapable of these small but important acts.
Liars. Fraud. Deception, even if the intent is in good faith, is one trait; I will not, I cannot tolerate. This is my one deal breaker. It does not help that men are evolutionary predisposed to be better liars than women either.
Sociopath World, a blog devoted to living as or with a sociopath, writes about gullibility. It postulates that given the innate charisma and charm of sociopaths they are less susceptible at being gullible, of falling for lies. However, it is the “normal” folk, those who do NOT lie on a regular basis that more easily detect distrustful behavior.
It physically repels me. If there is one aspect of a life long relationship; living a life not having to spend every day analyzing what they say. Not trusting your partner for every word they speak, every action they take, this is it.
Let me also note that these “lies” do not have to be, actually, are often not affair related. They can be simple fibs or grand deceptions. Relationships are ABOUT honestly. About loyalty, about trust.
I may not know a lot about relationships but I know that.
Lies. Liars. They infect all that is good. Rot all that is fresh. Destroy all that is hope.
Frustrated and forlorn. Angry with myself. Naïve and alone.