Women are attracted to two things. Really at the most visceral innate level.
1. Confidence
2. A man that makes her feel good about herself.
No matter what a guy looks like, what he does for a living. It does not matter his hobbies are, how he dresses. None of those superficial things we think make us want to be with someone matter if he does not exhibit confidence. Seriously, all the muscle and six packs in the world mean squat.
The second thing that makes a man attractive to a woman wants is to made to feel that she is special. 
That when a man looks at her, even if it is a glance across a crowded bar, a brush of an arm while standing ever so slightly too close on line next to her at Starbucks. If when we are engaged in a conversation we get this glow that makes us feel like we are the only woman in the room, in the world, the man she is talking to see’s. Then we are happy. We feel attractive, wanted.
These gestures can be so subtle we may not even notice them. They may be blunt, but not crass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently a man wrote me a note (full discretion alert: this is NOT word for word what was written but the tone and meaning remain in tact):
I think I like you. I like that you’ve opened up to me. I’ve got no ulterior motives….There’s just something about you that attracted me.Something about you made me care.
I want you to think about 3 things:
1. If I “lost” you, it would matter to me
2. There really is something special about you
3. I have to believe that part of what’s depressing you is unemployment.Sometimes just having to get your ass out of bed to go to work lets you forget that your personal life isn’t what you want it to be yet. Do what you can to get a job. You’ll feel better and meet new people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, maybe if it is not exactly what a woman wants to hear. Perhaps if minor changes were made and the list read more like:
1. I never want to lose you. It would break my heart.
2. Everything about you is special to me.
3. I always want you to be happy. While that is not always possible, there are ways to change your current situation that will make a difference, such as finding meaningful employment. Just know; know matter what, through the good and the bad, I will be there to support you. I will be there to help get you to that happy place.
4. You are a social person. While I don’t love “sharing” you, I know that spending time with your friends brings you to life and that is what made me adore you in the first place; the beauty you emanate when you are full of life and joy.
5. I love you.
Confidence and caring. That is it boys. You got your lists and tips and tricks but really it is all very simple.
I could be completely wrong. I may being making general statements that to NOT apply to all women. Maybe they are just things that are important to me.
Ladies, feel free, no, I implore you to jump in with your opinions on the matter. Fella’s, ok, yea I’m a bit scared, but I wish you the same.
WHAT TURNS YOU ON?
~ the audacious amateur blogger
@ Ashley
” If he’s displaying a lot of machismo, cocky remarks, selfishness, self involvement/ego, distance, or immature behavior as a lot of men do in attempt to gain female attention, I see as red flags. But that’s just me.”
That’s fine. You’re doing it right. You’re doing it exactly right. The point is to weed out incompatibilities BEFORE sex happens, as your evolved brains are wired to go after guys who make sexy baby’s, but your subconcious is not aware of birth control options. Every act of sex may end up in preggoville, so it was incumbent upon women to make sane mate choices with men who WOULD stick around and be responsible. Throwing caution to the wind and sleeping around, hookup culture was not possible back then because of the risk. With that risk gone, too many women are simply following their animal brain for the druglike thrill of the hookup and desire sex without screening. It looks like you are screening effectively at any rate.
“I’ve dated the aloof guys while treating him as I would anyway, and it was one sided. I was doing all the work to make a relationship happen.”
Relationships are about reciprocity. If you feel you’re doing all the heavy lifting and not getting what you need back from your partner, then it’s time to call it quits. Reciprocity happens in steps and happens continuously. As you show respect, deference, trust and femininity to a guy.. these should create feelings in him, loving feelings towards you, which he should begin to reciprocate rather quickly, and the circle continues infinitely if done correctly. If he doesn’t respond, you turn off the tap because you’re just getting used and played. So you handled that one well by ‘being aloof’ yourself. Stopped being his sucker and went separate ways. The quicker you realize you’re not getting back what you give, the less time you waste trying to earn the love of a man who has none to give (to you anyways).
@ Audi
“Women will literally date a man who was once a woman who may or may not be her cousin depending on the results of “who IS the father”.”
Yes. They will also date abusers, sociopaths and wear it on their sleeve cads. There are also mate poachers who will go after other womens men.
S’got nothing to do with forgiving and everything to do with primal attraction to be blind to all the negatives of such lowlifes or noncommital men.
“But neither of you were dating the girls. You were “pump and dumping” them.
M3, when you got married, what this before or after your transformation?”
If you read my incel post, you know i was getting fuckall for many years 100% invisible to all women. No pump n dumps. And i tried to carry a relationship with the strippers i slept with when i broke out of that hell, but i only managed to sleep with them by playing the asshole. If i could have dated, i would. Which is when i got with my wife shortly after my last stripper encounter. So i sort of transformed unintentionally which made my wife take notice, but i didn’t know how i had achieved it, so it all fell apart rather quickly after i married by reverting to beta. Only after my marriage ended did i do the full transform in mind, body and soul, and learn everything that i know about attraction triggers, mechanisms, evo.psych, hypergamy, shit tests, types of women, etc…
Alright,
Yes if a man said those things to me in any situation except the following “DURING A PROPOSAL”. I would think he was a sappy fool.
A guy cried on the phone w me yesterday and I was like, dude, why are you CRYING!?
my dad cried 2 times his whole like. When his first wife left him and when his mother died (oh and when he watched Schinders List in the movies… c’mon if youre a jew that lost fam in WWII you are practically inhuman if you don’t cry or at least well up, im welling just writing about it).
Women. Two women made this senior alpha cry his whole life.
So I agree. what I said where sappy. but for a proposal… perfecte
Well for minor stuff whoever is at home does the discipline. But if something major happens, my wife waits until I get home, we discuss the path to take and she expects me to make a decision and implement that w/ the kids.
I am the pilot, she is the co-pilot. we are both able to fly the plane. It’s just that as the pilot, I set the course and I am the authority. These are just roles to play. My wife could be captain. But it works better for us w/ me being captain.
Gotcha.
My dad just always went for the hockey stick. Worked wonders disciplinary wise
joke.
This explains a lot
Hockey sticks are not recommended in Illinois. State Child protective services do not have sense of humor about that.
It was a joke. Our parents never hit us, though angry fits of rage were not uncommon. But in a way that was a good form of discipline. I really didn’t like seeing my parents so upset. I didn’t want them to be hurt or disappointed
See I am too nice
I know, my comment was a joke too:
the audacious amateur blogger commented: “It was a joke. Our parents never hit us, though angry fits of rage were not uncommon. But in a way that was a good form of discipline. I really didn’t like seeing my parents so upset. I didn’t want them to be hurt or disappointed See I am too nice”
A woman kinda sorta wants to hear your version, but unless she is deeply deeply attracted already, the man uttering those lines will make her close her legs so fast and hard that her man may never get them opened again.
It screams loud and clear to her that she has you, you are hers. Game over. She can now be completely sure and confident that she has the upper hand. Now she will get bored. Bored bored bored. The man is no longer a challenge.
Now for some odd reason, she begins picking fights with her man. She doesn’t really even understand why she is doing it. But the little things that didn’t even show up on her radar are really really irritating her. The man is now being nagged much much more. He has no idea why. He just professed undying love for her. And now she’s bitching about underwear on the floor instead of the hamper? Now she’s too busy for sex? WTF?
The man who utters those words had better do something really fast to instill a little dread, or 2 weeks later she will inexplicably find herself attracted to the badass down the street.
This is the thing that guys hate. You give a woman what she wants, maybe even better than she could have hoped for and she starts to detest you. This is why men understand that the assholes get the girl.
This is also why a woman will not date a man that is too perfect or is too far out of her league. She will always be living in dread. She will not have any leverage in the relationship. Always be wondering if he noticed that she gained a Lbs. or two. And the woman dating the perfect man will hunt like a badger to find faults with him, so that she can gain some equilibrium back.
If this is the type of women you have experienced, or witnessed your friends experience, I strongly believe you or them are after the wrong type of woman, or perhaps even women who were out of their league.
Nope. within my own relationships w/ women, I can see the ebb and flow of the relationships and judge the reactions w/in them. Being more aloof and selfish gets me better results w/ all of the women in my life. The more aloof I am the more my wife thinks I am great. Are you married Ashley?
Not married, but in a long term relationship.
Just out of curiosity, in what ways are you aloof and what does your wife do that rewards that? I really don’t understand how that works without it being so one sided, in your favor.
I’ve dated the aloof guys while treating him as I would anyway, and it was one sided. I was doing all the work to make a relationship happen. Got tired of that, and decided to be aloof myself, until we just mutually stopped contact period.
Ashley – there have been so many times I felt the same. I was doing all the work to make it work and they just… Were hoping or not hoping it would.
BS.
That is the opposite of showing your value
I am a poor writer and it’s a long concept to get across. But I will try. aloof doesn’t mean I do not give emotions or positive vibes to her. It means I do not reward poor behavior on her part. I make her earn my love. It is not unconditional. If she is not fucking me, I will not be nice to her and say “oh poor baby, I know you have a big headache for 2 years in a row”.
Alternately, if I confess my undying love for her and never question her on anything no matter how I am treated good and bad, I am rewarded with increased complaining, nagging and an unhappy wife.
My wife wants to follow my lead. She wants me to be strong and be the leader. Not be the follower of her.
Perhaps my wife and I are outliers. IDK. All I know is, if I published the above lines and lived my life accordingly, I believe I would not be married for as long as I have been. I believe I would be a single man watching my ex hook up w/ some other man who is a leader.
Yea give it 10 more years.
One if not both of you will get sick and sex will be not important. Life will.
And actually saying those words. They actually mean nothing. It’s showing by action that you feel them. You will know if a woman feels them back.
Women want dominant men, but women are always the backbone of a good relationship… Behind every strong man is…. Another man??? No don’t think so
COmpletely agree. A good woman will tend the relationship and see to it that feelings are considered. Basic example is that most women arrange the holiday plans for most families. If left to men, these things would not happen.
I don’t care how involved men say they are in raising the kids, it is the women that are doing the heavy lifting here. My wife takes the kids to all the doctor appointments, clothes shopping etc. I would rather shoot myself than do these things. I set discipline policy and enforce standards of behavior. But my wife sees that the details of running the house are done.
Both roles are important. Some single parents are able to pull this off OK. But there is a good measure of disfunction in many single parent households.
That was a very middle America response. Did you rehearse that?
Men do the disciple, women do the cooking….
Last guy I dated was an excellent cook, so am I
we got into some micromanaging tiffs
If mom is around most how is dad disciplining? From the golf course? Cuz there’s we’re mine was Sundays. Basketball court? Thats where he was tuesday nights. From the road? Bc that’s where he was after he came back from work at 7:30pm – out for his daily 4-7 mile run. Tennis was Saturdays…
Yea… He was totally a great husband a d father. Just not completely present, physically that is
I am attracted to GOOD LOOKING hawt men, that’s all. OR ELSE I would never even notice them. [I may be un-attracted later if they don't have confidence or things of that sort]
Few notes.. because i’m the lovable dick that you love..
1. Confidence
- Yup. Given. Most guys who exhibit this are good with women. Beware too much confidence. If he’s super confident around you, chances are, he’s confident around other ladies too.
2. A man that makes her feel good about herself.
- only if you care about the guy.
How many guys you know (those invisible guys) would be chompin at the bit to make you feel good about yourself. If you aren’t attracted to them, #2 doesn’t matter one iota.
It goes without saying that at the heart of it all, everything you reference here are only things you give a damn about AFTER attraction has set in. So you’re not teaching Alpha’s here anything new or Beta’s anything that will help them be attractive.
It’s typical fluffy ‘girlworld’ advice that keeps the status quo. Sorry but advice like this per Ashley:
“I love it when guys are honest, real, and open.”
doesn’t help fuck all to millions of ‘NceGuys’ who already practice honesty (that burns them), being real (oh yeah, memorizing Klingon and the D&D dungeon master guide are so hawt), and open (“I have feelings for you” – “Awww how sweet.. lets just be friends K)
But i’ll give you the part about sincere since top tier dawgs are prone to saying any old line or BS to get you to drop yer draws, But again, you only care about it being sincere coming from an Alpha because that’s what your tingling for.Because if any of the above is actually true… i got a line 10 blocks long of dudes i can introduce to you that will sincerely be honest, real, open, confident enough and ready to make you feel good about yourself!!!
Let me be your matchmaker of luv
Courtesy you friendly neighborhood lovable dick!
“doesn’t help fuck all to millions of ‘NceGuys’ who already practice honesty (that burns them), being real (oh yeah, memorizing Klingon and the D&D dungeon master guide are so hawt), and open (“I have feelings for you” – “Awww how sweet.. lets just be friends K)”
So you don’t think men should be open, honest, or real?
let me ask you ash. Do you want to know a man’s full life story and that he loves his mother, is pro israel and anti arab, bites his finger nails when he’s nervous, is scared of spiders, and thinks wearing ties and suits should be mandatory for all work environments on the first date?
How much open, honest and real do you really want? Where do you draw the line?
There is something to be said about how open, honest and real a person can be between date 1 and date X where X means you’re in an exclusive relationship.
Coming out too soon with things will most likely get the girl to disqualify you long before showing her other aspects of yourself that she would really come to enjoy, and then only look upon those other aspects as minor annoyances, tolerable or just plain funny quirks, rather than something to dismiss the person outright as a quack and not a worthy mate.
It behooves men to take their time being open honest and real to discover traits about a woman and how she will react to it. Open honest and real follow a curve in a direct parallel line with the growth of the relationship.
You’re advice would have tons of guys blurting out stupid shit right from day one thinking their honesty, openness and realness will win the day, when in fact it means they ain’t getting a second date, and you’ll never know what a great guy you passed up because he said something you didn’t approve of on date 1, something you’d have no issue hearing about in the future once you have feelings for him.
Get it?
Helpful advice for women:
https://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/a-dating-exercise-for-women/
I know for a fact I do THIS ALL THE TIME. With men and women alike. It actually seems to help weed out the superficial folk. I have gotten a lot of close girlfriends out of it who know im a bit wacky but take me for who I am bc all that…. is a lil superficial and at the end of the day what really matters is having a good person you can count on, tell your darkest secrets to, that loves you too for who you really are by your side.
Then again, hasn’t worked as well for men… well it does in the beginning then.. kinda flames out.. maybe you can provide some perspecitive as to why that is
Because women love a little mystery and intrigue. It adds excitement, knowing there’s things about their men that are hidden. It’s why most are drawn to emotionally unavailable men in the first place. Just like trying to use love to break a badboy down and win him over.. women want to dig, to earn learning things about a man, his past, his ideology and his character over time.
Women want to/need to earn things from their men. If it’s given without effort, it comes off as supplicating and needy. Men who give love before a woman has worked for it really turn women off. Those men become doormats, as women will know they will always follow them around like puppies. But if a woman puts in the effort to get a badboy alpha with options to forsake other women (commit to her), become emotionally available (only to her) and become vulnerable to opening up about his life/past/etc (after she’s shown much investment in him) will it all come together. If she’s done the job of making herself worthy of his love by doing things to instill real feelings of love in him, then he will give her the love she desired all along, like a huge building climax making that love valuable.
Yeah, that went off on a tangent, but was required to explain why the flame out happens. Getting everything at the beginning is like opening all your Christmas presents.. in July. There’s no mystery left.
Got it.
Then I accept my fate. I don’t play games. I don’t fall in love easily, but if I like someone I don’t hide it.
Showing who I am. Really who I am. Takes more than a few dates. A guy feels no mystery is left he’s wrong but that’s his issue.
He feels I have to earn his love. He has to earn mine too.
I’m done w this game. Done w the promises. Done w all of it.
If I come across a dude I wanna bang (w no expectations of anything more), I will – though this is really not interesting to me anymore.
I won’t be tossed aside again. I won’t be cast away. I won’t be broken but that also means I’ll never be whole.
Thanks again for that. I do get it and I’m just not cut out for that world.
A smart attractive world savvy funny girl w huge tits and a wild sex drive just went under. J out
Ohhh Audi…
Look. Please understand one thing. As it stands right now, i like the way you operate. I wish more girls did. The problem is, you are an outlier. Period. End of story.
The things i write about are for the generalizations of the majority of what goes on in the SMP. Ya know, i hated the games.. deplored it. I wore my shit on my sleeve, hoping beyond hope that being open, honest, and real would curry my favor.
It didn’t. And it doesn’t for a LOT of guys. I wish i could write in a manner that’s inclusive of those collateral damage people.. but you’ve seen all i’ve written, and you can see that i myself am a causality of the carnage. Somehow i think you failed to take note of that. I am a product of this too.
Your actions are your own. I won’t condemn you or tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. If you feel like bangin a guy and accepting it, feeling like shit or not.. as long as you own it, what can i say?
You’re depressed. I get it.
The only advise i got is as an outlier, you need to learn a girl version of game to be able to weed out assholes and get on your radar to find like minded guys. Guys who do wear their hearts on their sleeves, and will tell you about everything you want to know about them without reservation.
I know the shit i write is burning you out. I write for the majority of guys who have to deal with women who aren’t you. I’m sorry that that is the reality we live in. I want the best for you, i really do. You’ve grown on me. But i have to keep writing for the guys and i have to spit out the truth as i see it. I do no one any favours regurgitating fluffy and pretty lies that get men slaughtered and keep women ignorant of biological realities. I won’t apologize for that.
“He feels I have to earn his love. He has to earn mine too.”
If you decide to stick around, i will soon have a post out regarding how a relationship works perfectly. What you wrote up there is sort of incorrect. You have to earn his love, he has to earn your respect, adoration and trust. That’s the only way the dream works. I hope you stick around for that lesson.
My trust is there always in the beginning. Ruining it is the problem me. Have with me.
It’s not what u or the others write. I know I’m an outlier and don’t fit the mold.
Its life M3. I’m tired right now. Tired of being alone. Tired of … Tryin. Tired. So I’m going to sleep for a bit a d maaaybe I’ll get lucky and like sleeping beauty wake up by the magical kiss of a prince.
Or not… Then I’ll read your lesson.
Of course it takes time to get to know someone. I’m not suggesting that anyone spills out every deep dark secret or life story within the first few dates. I’m just saying, don’t put on a front. Don’t try to act like mr cool guy if that’s not how you are 24-7. I can sense when a guy who is interested is trying to put on a show to make me see him a certain way. If I meet a guy, I’m looking at his behavior, his looks (am I attracted to him?), his friendliness, his effort to connect with me/find something we have in common. If he’s displaying a lot of machismo, cocky remarks, selfishness, self involvement/ego, distance, or immature behavior as a lot of men do in attempt to gain female attention, I see as red flags. But that’s just me.
I do agree with this Ash. For Guys if we are going to lean too heavily on either the pushy asshole persona or the soft/nice guy persona, asshole is a much more successful mistake to make than needy/nice guy. We can be overconfident/over cocky and get away with it. But if we overdo the soft sensitive stuff, especially early on in relationship, women are repelled.
Of course the ideal man is able to do both ranges on command. But we are not all ideal and it’s a learning process.
Have any of you men watched Maury? Women will literally date a man who was once a woman who may or may not be her cousin depending on the results of “who IS the father”.
Like, we’re fairly forgiving…
Yah, but you won’t date a nice guy. I know. I was a nice guy. No girls wanted me. I was invisible to women until I started acting more like the dick frat guys getting laid all the time. Whadya know. It worked. I was still the same nice guy. Just putting on an asshole front. All the sudden I could get girls.
Women will date ANYONE but the nice guy, Maybe M3 could link in his story here.
But neither of you were dating the girls. You were “pump and dumping” them.
M3, when you got married, what this before or after your transformation?
Oh no. my frat boy act was only skin deep. The nice guy thing came thru after I got the girls then they’d dump me.
I found out that to keep the girl, I had to be the leader, I had to step up the dominance game.
I would say these are true for me too, but most of all…sincerity. It might be cliche but just be yourself. If I sense that a guy is trying to pull some type of game or trying to act too cool, I am turned off instantly. I love it when guys are honest, real, and open.
Totally agree, hence my post on hating liars
Sincerity and authenticity are.. sooo important
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