I have been single my whole life.
Yes, there have been “relationships”, “courtships”, twosomes that were more than flings but not strong enough to reach the point that we called one another boyfriend or girlfriend.
I have never taken anyone to a school dance. Never had a plus one to a wedding. I have never had a man I could call my own. That being said, as I mentioned there have been instances that were more than flings.
Dating I would call it. Dating where you shared a home. Yes, I am aware this is not the greatest idea, I was aware then and I am DEFINITELY aware now.
I received an email from one of my blog readers. It started out as advice, then morphed into a tale of what a weekend together would be like if we were to ever meet.
This is someone I have been chatting with via email for a while, perhaps two weeks. He describes what my perfect, or close to perfect enough autumn Sunday afternoon would be like with a man. One I actually, down to the exact book we would discuss, (ironically?) almost word for word, experienced in my last relationship:
“You’re hanging w/ the wrong guy(s). The wrong people drain you.The right people energize you. Look at you and me. We can flirt effortlessly. In fact I bet that if we were to hook up, there would be lots of times where we are laughing together, teasing, talking about whether anyone can really have “A Four Hour Workweek” and make money at it. And there’d be lots of times when we’re just hanging out doing the crossword and surfing.We would pick up the remains of each others crosswords and fill in the answers that were left. I’d slap my head “dammit, why couldn’t I get that one?”
Sometimes we’d go for walks together and wouldn’t say a word for upwards of 15 minutes, and neither of us would think anything was off with that. Just walking and holding hands. Or maybe we’d stumble out of bed, grab some caffeine and come to life for a few minutes, then decide we’d rather have a nice leisurely morning fuck and go back to sleep.Maybe we’ll feel like getting out of bed at 11. We’d go to the grocery store and pick up some food and booze. mosy back to my place and just — be — together — before we cook supper. I think you would even playfully nag me because I left crumbs on the counter. All of this is life giving, not life draining.
Think about this baby J, I give you so much energy”
(again full disclosure, this is from an email he wrote to me, please, sir whom I do not know the identity of to even gain proper consent if I wanted to post this interaction, if you take issue with my use of our conversation, let me know and I will take it down)
Will I ever have this again? Do I want this again; a replication of what didn’t work out? Or would I prefer something new? Will I even get the chance to have that option?
All questions only time can reveal.
~ the audacious amateur blogger
P.S. Yes, it have come to my realization that I have gone back to my old blogging ways. Discussing personal issues and dilemma’s. Including real people, even if I do not know their real identities, from my life as examples. We as bloggers, even in our most research driven posts are drawn to this. So often do we see examples from our lives when writing about completely objective topics.
This post however is not objective. Neither is it derogatory nor “name names”. It is quite simply a picture painted by a stranger that I relate to.